I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
