good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
