Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
