Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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