Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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