I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize