She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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