hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
