No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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