omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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