She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
