thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
