Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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