Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
