I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
