the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
