Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
