I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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