My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
