Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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