My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
