I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
