giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
