We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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