So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
