I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
