you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
