i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
