Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
