ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
