Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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