Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
