I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
