Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
