She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
