I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
