I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
