Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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