Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
