U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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