I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
