You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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