Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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