Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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