Whod you bang
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
