who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
