we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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