You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
