Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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