The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
