you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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