halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
