I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
