It's Friday. Sex?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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