I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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