i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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