its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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