My first STD was from a foam party
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
