god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
