everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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