I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
