Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
