Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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