I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
