when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
