so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
