I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
