WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
