Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
