She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
