He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
