if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
did i just pee glitter
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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