I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
