I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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